Why I might finally become a conspiracy theorist.

I’m sure Bob Homme was friendly, but was he actually a giant?

Friendly, Jerome, Rusty.

“Look up… look waaaay up. And I’ll call Rusty”.

How far up? That’s the question. Exactly how tall are you, Friendly?

And while you’re thinking about an answer, please consider NOT calling Rusty The Rooster for once and give us all a break. That bag-dwelling cock is always complaining and that voice is a bit much this early in the day.

Jerome The Giraffe is more tolerable but whenever he shows up at the window the question of relative height comes into play.

Jerome and Friendly see eye to eye. Literally. They are the same height.

In other words if you were to use giraffes as a scientific measurement, Jerome equals one. Ergo The Friendly so called Giant is one giraffe high or roughly 16 feet tall.

Fair enough. That’s giantesque in my book.

BUT.

I’m beginning to think the whole thing is a fake. Smoke and mirrors.

Evidence pictured here shows vastly different scales that give one pause.

The smoking gun.

He offers us a chair for two more to curl up in. Meanwhile on vacation in Newfoundland, he appears to be terrorizing an idyllic post-apocalyptic town with mitts the size of a small mountain which are fixed on crushing a delightful fishing shanty.

In a documentary intended to air on The Fifth Estate back in 2004 that was preempted because of coverage of This Is The Law quiz show host Austin Willis’ death and was never broadcast, a couple of CBC staffers were questioned about it. They agreed to be interviewed anonymously.

“I saw him in the cafeteria many times and he couldn’t have been more than 5’11’ and that was in boots”, said one.

The other person agreed, and the dog simply whispered something in their ear.

All this makes me wonder if the lunar landing loonies and flat earth nut bars might be on to something after all.

What else aren’t they telling us?